Introduction skills: (1) Meet requirements (2) Define/illustrate key terms (3) Signpost

There are many ways to write a good introduction. This post considers three important skills:

1. Meet requirements
   Show a clear understanding of question requirements (this includes making your stand and thesis very clear)
2. Define/illustrate key terms
   These should be defined or illustrated (using examples) clearly
3. Signpost
   Signpost the body paragraph arguments, as well as the definitions of key terms.

‘Far too much attention is given to beauty products and treatments.’ Do you agree? (2004)

Far too much attention is given to beauty products and treatments because more and more people are becoming increasingly concerned with their outward appearance and some are even obsessed with their looks so much that they go to the extremes of spending money on cosmetic surgery [1]. Thanks to the media, the purpose of beauty products is no longer solely to cleanse the skin but also to whiten, purify, remove wrinkles [BP&T]… [2] The media has instilled and developed in people the desire to look good by constantly broadcasting beauty and make-over [BP&T] programmes and as a result caused people to be always mindful of their own looks and chasing after the ‘ideal’ appearance. Why is this too much? [3] People are now more willing to spend a greater proportion of their income on beauty products and treatments and as a result have compromise their spending on daily necessities. Furthermore, family time or time to socialize is sacrificed as people make use of this time to seek facial and spa treatments [BP&T] [4]. Are all these sacrifices necessary? I think not [5]. I am not saying that giving attention, for example through spending time and money on beauty products and treatments [6] to make one look possibly better, is wrong; what I am saying is we certainly should not be doing so at the expense of our everyday needs and social life [7].

- Zhong Yang, 2T28

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Comments and analysis (corresponds to numbers above):

1. Clear stand and thesis (presented as an argument – reason + conclusion)

2. Good attempt at using the ellipsis. Might be more effective if you had more than three things on your list – would give your reader a stronger sense of the endlessness of the list.

3. Yardstick and definition of “too much” is being clearly signposted. Note: signpost could be expressed more elegantly.

4. Content of body paragraphs is being clearly signposted

5. Yardstick defined ( = necessity)

6. “attention” is clearly defined

7. Clarification of stand/thesis; evaluative comment

[BP&T]. Illustration of “beauty products and treatments”

Overall comments:

A very clear introduction which shows good understanding of question requirements. The yardstick is clearly signposted and defined, as are the main arguments that will be presented in the body paragraphs. Key terms (“too much”, “attention”, “beauty products and treatments”) are clearly defined and/or illustrated. Thesis is further clarified to enhance the sense of purpose and confidence in the thesis.

Sample introduction: Why read the book when you can watch the film?

It’s important to read widely and expose yourself to a variety of styles. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you might have noticed that I have a particular style – I use certain words and phrases more often than others, and there are certain stylistic techniques that I have a particular fondness for.

Here is a sample introduction, courtesy of Ms Elaine Lo and her class (2T35), which is quite different from my style, and certainly worth a read:

Why read the book when you can watch the film?

I admit, I am a fan of Twilight. One of many among the screaming hordes of fans who would queue up for tickets overnight for the film premiere. Yet, when I enter the darkened hall, and Robert Pattinson looms luminous on screen, somehow, that luminosity never sparkles as much as it does in my imagination. And that, perhaps, is the best reason for reading the book despite the availability of a film. A book invites the reader into its world and to make meaning of it. A film makes its own meaning of the book and invites you to accept it. In today’s world of convenience and trifles, leading to an ennui of human intellect and spirit, it is perhaps even all the more crucial now to read the book even as the film once again offers us the easy way out.

 

Task

1. Identify the elements of style used in this introduction.
2. Identify how personal voice is used to show the writer’s personality.

A sample introduction: The world would be a better place if everyone spoke the same language.

Writing an effective introduction isn’t easy because it’s far more than just a first impression in words. In the context of a GP essay, it needs to encompass the biggest issues you’re going to deal with and, ideally, capture the complexity of the issues in just a short paragraph.  Which means that to do so, you must have unpacked the question requirements, identified and played with the issues behind the question, considered the counter-arguments, experimented with various possible angles of approach, and finally decided on how you intend the entire essay to shape up. In other words, it’s more than just weaving a few nice quotations into the definitions of the topic words and remembering to attach a stand at the end.

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Example:

“The world would be a better place if everyone spoke the same language”. Discuss.

An American tourist who speaks only English may attempt, desperately, to get a message across in a small Chinese town in. They might fail miserably and lament the inconvenience of the language barrier. Within the European Union, the problems are arguably less trivial – translatingdocuments costs the EU up to 800 million euros annually, and it slows the decision making process. If only everyone spoke the same language – acommon language, or a lingua franca – the world would be better off. Or would it? Even if we argue for bi- or multi-lingualism, where speaking acommon language does not mean losing our native one, might we still lose our culture and the treasured diversity in our world? And if so, is the tradeoff worth it? Because the issues here are complex, it is rather simplistic to argue that every single person on this planet needs to speak the same language in order to reap benefits. So while the world would be a better place if more people spoke a common language, it is unnecessary – and, in fact, detrimental – for every single person to do so.

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Comments and feedback:

Comment 1
I like how it’s packed with almost everything [which shows] a lot of complex thought processes:

- A relevant, interesting scenario that alludes to the issue
- An understanding of the premise (language barrier is inconvenient)
- Wider issue (translation)
- Embedded clarification of ‘everyone spoke the same language’ (monolinguailsm vs bi-/multilingualism)
- Evaluation (simplstic)
- Nuanced thesis (keep ‘better’, challenge absolute term ‘everyone’) + extension of thesis (judgement beyond ‘better’ / ‘detrimental’ — unnecessary)

Comment 2
Some examiners get annoyed with introductions that string too many questions together.
Another slant to consider is also the idea that not all languages are necessarily spoken languages. [For example, you could argue that]  it’s helpful to have a same language but these should be the languages that are devoid of political baggage (eg. music, sports, art, etc). Spoken languages will always have some sort of political baggage and the choice of one over another may trigger off more conflict and discontent.

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Note: In light of the potentially annoying questions, the introduction may be revised, as follows:

If only everyone spoke the same language – a common language, or a lingua franca – the world would be better off. Or so it might seem, because even if we argue for bi- or multi-lingualism, where speaking acommon language does not mean losing our native one, we might  still lose our culture and the treasured diversity in our world.  Because the issues here are complex [...]

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